ALANA NICHOLLS

Dear Friend,

There was a moment   in 2008 when my newborn daughter was sleeping and I was in my usual naptime spot of computer open in the study poring over excel documents. I was the master of multi-tasking , or so I thought, and then all of sudden it was like my brain started short circuiting.

What was going on? I’ve been high performance, high capacity all my life and then all of a sudden there was this moment where I could tell my brain was glitching. And then fear rushed in! My heart was pounding, all the what if’s started as I began to pace the house. I returned to the study, sat against the wall and started singing an old song I remembered from a child. 

Peace returned.

There was a moment   in 2015 when we were moving into our new house. I’m not sure if your life has been anything like ours, but it seems that change and transition happens all at once. Not only were we moving into our new house, we were renovating, we were moving out of our office location, we were renovating that too, we were raising our 3 kids aged 3,6 and 7, leading an ever-growing business, I was running our foundation, volunteering 2 days at a nonprofit and I was responsible for pulling off our annual franchise conference in Fiji in a couple of weeks. Life was very FULL to say the least. I remember sitting in the driveway with zero capacity to walk through the door. I rang my husband, I said we need your parents help, I had no solution to offer, not even any capacity to explain what help I needed. I just could not make one more decision. I think it was the choice between 3 different grey grout colours for our white splash back kitchen tiles that was the straw that broke the camel’s back 🤪🤣

There was a moment   in 2018 where I sat on my bedroom floor tears flowing onto a piece of paper that clearly showed the unhealthy patterns and relationship I had with work. I’d been sensing for a few years my attachment to work was not good, it was the source of most marital arguments and having kids highlighted it even more. I’m ashamed to say I would much rather hop on the computer and smash a few tasks rather than play lego on the floor.

It’s funny how life rises and falls on moments.

Yet we are so enamoured by the milestones.

But it’s the sum of many small and seemingly insignificant moments that shape a life. 
Moment by moment living has been a way of life that has been a game changer for me. To be aware, acknowledge and then align.

To live in the moment and be present not preoccupied.

This is so much easier said than done for me. A discipline I am still trying to master. I must continually remind myself that I have grace for today, not yesterday as I think of what I should or shouldn’t have done or not tomorrow for what I plan to do. Grace meets me in my present.

You see, what I learned as I sat with that piece of paper on my bedroom floor in 2018 was that my high needs for approval, acceptance and to be understood were so frequently met in the realm of work. Many things in life came naturally to me, I excelled in many things and hardly ever felt insecure. I unconsciously was in a pattern of the harder I worked, the more I succeeded and the more I felt approved and accepted by those around me.  I didn’t realise I was hard wired to need these things, but it was now clear that is what was driving my ambition, my commitment, my “make it happen” work ethic. To be honest, all the things that get celebrated and “create the wins” in the business world.

Work was my drug of choice.

And so, the last 8 years have been a rewiring, a resetting, and a returning to rest.

Restful results has been the phrase that has become my true north.
2 words that I wrote in my journal on March 2018 that have become my anchor phrase. A somewhat poetic way of describing a fruitful and fulfilling life that is anchored in rest not hustle. It sounds oh so wonderful but the journey from theory to applied practice has taken a wild amount of intention and commitment. Learning about the unforced rhythms of grace. Living and leading from flow not force. Leaning into and not fighting the pace of grace.

Sometimes the intense seasons of life, where the heat is turned up are fiery seasons that refine us. Like gold that is put through the fire to remove dross and impurities so that what is left is pure, solid and strong. So shiny in fact that the goldsmith can see their reflection.

Since committing to a way of life and leadership that is anchored in restful results my world has expanded beyond what I ever saw coming.

But I know  what I learnt in the fire, prepared me for what I’m to carry now and next.

And one thing I know is to carry things a lot more loosely than I did before. Ensuring I hold them, not they hold me.

And so dear friend, I hope this letter finds you well. And if it doesn’t and you’re right in the thick of an intense season, let my letter encourage you that if it’s not good yet, your story is not done.

Keep going, you got this 👏

Lots of love

Alana x